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Archive for the ‘Household’ Category

Wala si misis

SIR: Inday, wala ma’am mo, dun tayo sa kwarto..

INDAY: What?! Are you nuts??! FYI, Sir I intend to reserve my virginity for the person that I truly love! If you think I am an easy-to-get cheap slut, well you’re barking at the wrong tree! And will you please act like a professional because you’re so EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW….. if I hear any more filthy words coming from your mouth, I won’t hesitate to take legal action!

SIR: Leche, maarte ka!

INDAY: Joke lang, sir naman… TARA SA TAAS!

[eto ang kasunod]

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Inday: At last, thy day has cometh, fair ruler and damsel of this luxurious abode… It is with immense admiration and pleasure that I bequeath upon thee my birthday compliments… But where, oh where, would thy banquet take place, my dear queen? Surely, thou shall engage in merriment. For each year in bounty, our empress must bestow upon her mere chambermaids a fraction of the bounty and graces she hath received… Would thy be kind enough to let us partake in our royal majesty’s ball? The mead and ale to complement the honeysuckled roast loin and courtyard jesters are earthly temporalities we’re looking forward to. Unquestionably we’d be most charmed and delighted…

Amo: (Lumabas ang dugo sa lahat ng butas ng mukha)

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Naospital si sir

Amo: Inday, diba nurse ka naman, pakicheck naman blood sugar ko!

(Inday checks the Blood Sugar of the master)

Inday: The reading in this phased out CBG monitor shows that your blood glucose is elevated at 180mg/dL

Amo: (Sweats) Ha potanyeta!!!! Bat nagkaganon!!!

Inday: Sir, don’t be such an overacting imbecile… Don’t you know you have Diabetes Mellitus?

Amo: (wipes blood from nose) Huh? Ano yun?

Inday:

Your illness is a complex metabolic derangement is characterized by a grossly abnormal usage of fuel. the level of insulin is inappropriately low while that of glucagon is too high relative to the needs of the body. As in starvation, glucose utilization in your illness is poor, but glucose is actually present in excessive amounts. Sir, its starvation amidst plenty.

Therefore, sir, there is an inhibition in the pathways of both glycolysis and glycogenesis. The liver attempts to generate glucose from 2 equivalents of PYRUVATE, which is catalyzed by pyruvate carboxylase, and uses up 2ATPs and converts it to ADP. The product OXALOACETATE is converted to PHOSPHOENOL PYRUVATE, in a GTP mediated reaction between the substrate and the enzyme PEP Carboxylase. PEP is then converted to 3-PHOSPHOGLYCERATE, 1,3 BIPHOSPHOGLYCERATE, FRUCTOSE 1,6-BIPHOSPHATE, FRUCTOSE-6-PHOSPHATE, each in succession though the enzyme phosphoglycerate kinase, then spontaneous oxidation by NADH, then enzyme Fructose 1,6-biphosphatase, respectively. The precursor to Glucose is now produced. The product GLUCOSE 6-PHOSPHATE underwent a dephosphorylation reaction by the enzyme Glucose 6-phosphatase to produce GLUCOSE, otherwise known as your Blood Sugar.

Sir, that explains the heightened level of glucose in your bloodstream. This pathway further increases that glucose level in a well-fed state.

Amo: (ear bleeds and faints, and rushed to Inday’s homecourt, UST Hospital, after First Aid, Insulin, and Shock Management by Inday)

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Pintura

Matapos pinturahan ni Junior ang pinto…

Junior: Tapos na!!

Inday: The area by the hinges, are you done with that?

Junior: Baket pa? [habang kamot ng ulo]

Inday: Listen boy, don’t you dare disregard that area. Don’t you know if that part is not protected by paint, the weathering process removes about ¼ inch of wood per century from it on vertical exposures; even more wood is eroded in severe exposures. Furthermore, because the door is exposed to moisture, it is also subject to decay.

Junior: Wahhh! Mommmyyyy… [sabay takbo sa loob]

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Tutor

… A fundamental question of longstanding theoretical interest is to prove lower bounds on the complexity and exact operation counts of Fast Fourier transforms, and many open problems remain. It is not even rigorously proved whether DFTs truly require Ω(NlogN) (i.e., order NlogN or greater) operations, even for the simple case of power of two sizes, although no algorithms with lower complexity are known….

– tinu-tutor ni Inday sa digital signal processing ang kapatid ng kanyang amo na si Mark na nagmamasters sa LaSalle.

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Nang nakauwi si Inday matapos mamalengke, nagalit ang kanyang amo…

Amo: Inday, hindi mo ba natanggap text ko? Tinext kita sabi ko bumili ka na rin ng giniling. Selpon selpon ka pa di naman nakakareceive ng text.

Inday: It’s not that I can’t receive any messages, it’s just that I was at a place with a weak cellular signal. You see, even though longer wavelengths have the advantage of being able to diffract to a greater degree and are less reliant on line of sight to obtain a good signal, it can still attenuate significantly. And because the frequencies which cell phones use are too high to reflect off the ionosphere as shortwave radio waves do, cell phone waves cannot travel via the ionosphere.

Amo: Pa-ayono-ayonospir ka pang nalalaman. magsaing ka na nga bago dumugo na naman ilong ko.

[naks mukhang ECE graduate din ata si Inday]

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Namalengke

Guess what? Those not-so stunning guys keeps on staring at my newly manicured nails while the copy-cat freaks envy my stylishly cut mane. Unfortunately after a great day at the spa, I have to step on this muddy and stinking place just to purchase some veggies!

– Si Inday, nakikipagchikahan sa tindera sa palengke.

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