Bathroom Blues Part 2

I parked myself on my throne from the tenth to the twelfth stroke of the master’s antediluvian timepiece. The dreary tortuous hours, I have tolerated. But at last, triumph is mine to behold. I’m redeemed from my gluttonous mishaps. My transgressions are, at this moment, on the furrow with no ending, exiled into the mysterious unknown for all perpetuity… This princess has procured a paltry sum of water from the disinclined estates in close proximity. The reek as fetid as a dragon’s breath is nothing but a murky memory…

– Success, pagkatapos ma-constipate si Inday at mangupit ng tubig sa kapitbahay.


Bathroom Blues

Alas, the springs of life are everything but flowing. My quest for my own freedom was futile. For now, I’m forcefully bound to manacles of my dismaying impurities. Sadly, it haunts me. I am a prisoner of my own.

Walang tubig at hindi makaligo si Inday. So, nagdradrama siya.

Wala ng Bagyo

I’m already in the spirits of radiant luminosity, my beloved friend. Such tender coolness, yet conveying a pleasurable warmth. A placid humid waft fills this otherwise musty suite and kisses my body from head to toe. My arms and face are lavishly smothered with a thousand caresses… Oh, how sweet the sensation lingers.

Exult with me, my dear comrade, my darling sweetheart! The gloom and wretched darkness is gone. The horrific skirmish cries of the strident booming thunders have ceased! The ominous inundation of heavenly moans have come to an end. The slashes of cloud-piercing lighting have been banished from this realm to invade the moonlit skies another day! Hallelujah…

– Ganyan magsabi si Inday sa kaibigan at minamahal na si Dodong na: “May kuryente na, may ilaw na, may aircon na din! (Sosyal) Wala na bagyo! Woohoo!”

Dodong: Inday, yor so prety bebi…. I wel cros da end of di ert to proob my lab por yo is tru as da err dat yo brith… I lab yo may lab, may darleng, may hani, may hart bits por onli yo… Ang puso ko ay tumitibok dahil sa pagmamahal mo…

Inday: Oh stop it dear Dodong. (Kilig) Enough of those sweet lines. You see, my heart now pumps blood into my pretty face (Blushing)… Doesn’t it ever occur to you that your heart beats because of the stimulation of the myocardium in response from the action potentials generated by the SA node then travels down though the Internodal Pathway, AV node, Common Bundle of His, Left and Right His Bundles, Purkinje system, and ultimately the Ventricular muscle, causes your heart to contract?

Dodong: (nagtampo, walk out)

– ito ang simula ng away nilang dalawa at ang dahilan ng pagtaksil ni Dodong, kaya naghanap si Dodong ng kalebel nya sa pag-iingles na pwedeng ipalit kay Inday: Si Ederlyn…

Dahil hindi ma-reach ni Dodong ang pag-iingles ni Inday, naging malapit sila ni Ederlyn…

Nakasundo ni Dodong ang pamilya at kapatid ni Ederlyn na sina Edermae at ang mongoloid na si Ederloo. Pati ang mga plastic na kaibigan ni Ederlyn na sina Chona Mae at Chona Jane ay boto sa kanya…

Ikakasal na sila Dodong at Ederlyn, at dahil ang reception ay gagawin sa bukid ng kanilang pamilya, hindi na mapapanis at masasayang ang pagluluto ng Nanay ni Ederlyn, si Edernay….

Malugod namin kayong inaanyahayan ang lahat na makisaksi sa panunumpa ng aming labis na pag-ibig at katapatan sa isa’t isa, bilang mag-asawa sa Sabado, Alas-sais ng gabi sa Sanctuario de San Antonio, McKinley Road, Forbes Park, Makati.

– Excerpt from Ederlyn and Dodong’s wedding invitation


Inday: “What kind of dim-witted, ill-willing person holds proprietorship of this structural malady? Had he not the knowledge of the building codes set forth in international conventions by known intellectual committees. How dare he violate these rules when the very epitome if these things I say are embodied in the Building code of the Philippines as stated in the Republic Act 6541 authored on August 26 in the year of the Lord 1972. Had this structure existed even before that? I think not. Therefore you have peddled against the R.A. 6541, which gives me the stands to lead this to court with a count of attempted homicide and the evasion of responsibilities according to the said Republic act..”

Security Guard: [nosebleed]

– pinapagalitan ni Inday ang sekyu ng playground nang nabali ni junior ang Monkey Bars at muntik pang mabagok ang ulo


“Where fort art thou?”- in the words of Juliet in the infamous play,”Romeo and Juliet” by of course, the greatest playwright of all time, William Shakespeare. Though I am not a Juliet, I chose these words to put into words of what my heart is screaming to say to you my dear Inday.

Inday, you know from the very moment my eyes laid on you beautiful smile, my world stopped. My heart can’t stop from hyperventilating as I stare at you while you are sweeping the Montemayor’s front yard. I can’t sleep as i think the way your hair flows as you chase Junior when you’d be giving him a bath.

Oh my Inday, I pray that we would last until the end of all eternity. As your superior intellect overpowers my inferiority, it doesn’t matter.

As long as our love is strong and our determination to face all the hindrance of our relationship, I, Dodong, will never, ever give up.

Lovingly yours,